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Showing posts from 2008

Denita's Birthday

Today is my friend Denita's 27th birthday. Sadly she is not here to celebrate it because her life was taking Jan 2007. I never lost anyone close to me, not even a family member, so loosing a good friend to murder hit me hard. Not to mention she was murdered the day of my father funeral. To see a great person and someone my age be taken away during the prime of her life changed my view on life. I know that she is in a better place with her bright smile and laugh, but it still hurts. It hurts in ways I can not explain. In 3 months I will turn 27, and I always think of Denita on my birthday and hers. It's so not to be angry, not just at her life being taken but because there has been no justice no answer no anything! I know people in the court system and have had it explained NUMEROUS time that murder trails take a while to go to court. But that doesn't change my feelings, my pain, my memories... My only joy is knowing that she is in heaven. No, that's not it. It's al

I'm Back

I know it's been a good minute, but I've been busy!  I have a few new things on my plate that I am excited about sharing with you!   I want to first say that I truely appreicate all the feedback I get from my readers!  There has been times over the last few months that I felt my dream of being a writer was not going to ever be reality!  Yes, I had a lot of doubtful moments!  I got emails, texts and IMs asking for more post.  Even just checking on me since I had stopped posting.  I needed that and it touched my heart, for real!  I need you all to know that!  My created juices are back flowing.  I pray for guidance in my personal life and writing career.  I hope that you will continue to support and encourage me.   Now to updates! I have a new project that I am working on.  Sadly you have to wait for details.  A few of you know about it, for the others sorry for the wait.  I am working on it daily and hope to publish , yes publish, it early next year!  I'm super excited about

SITC #9 Figuring It Out

The hardest part of dating is getting use to the person you’re seeing. We all have habits and traits that others dislike. On top of learning regular stuff about them, you have to learn how to deal with the traits you do not like very much. Trying to figure out if there are more good traits than annoying. Or if you should chop it up as a lost and move on. Even deciding to move on can be confusing. What things determine when to do so. Right now I am going out and having fun. I would like to date someone that has the traits I would like in next significant other. Just in case it becomes a relationship. At the same time I am not sure if I am finished looking to see what else is out there. I do not want to make the steps toward a relationship when I am not sure if I want to be in one. Right now I feel like I am currently making those steps with the man I am seeing. I don’t think it’s obvious steps, but we’re a few months into seeing each other. There is daily communication by in

Perfectly Imperfect

I am perfectly imperfect. This is who I am. I am not perfect but that doesn’t mean I am not the best me I can be. I curse. I don’t like mushrooms. I sleep late. I like to play my music very loud. I don’t like bananas. I have a short patience. I love to shop. I can get mad easily. I like to drink Dr. Pepper & Midori Sours. I love music. I find writing a release. I am very strong willed. I am not the nicest person, but this is me! At time I have trouble dealing with certain people and scenarios because of who I am. Certain issues I don’t see as a big deal. That is because I see thing as black or white. There is no gray area with me. I feel many, no most, things aren’t as complicated as we make them. We choose to hold on to it or draw it out so that they are complicated. These things annoy me. I know that is how some folks operate, but it is hard for me to deal with or even hear about it. I want to just scream “Get over it already” or “Just stop talking to them

SITC #8 I'm Afriad of Love

I am going to admit it, I am scared to fall in love again. I have been told and believe I do not have unconditional love (in relationships). I know it may seem strange, but I don’t love unconditionally. Maybe my expectations of love are out of whack. Or what I expect and give is. Or maybe this is just me. I think that my “conditions” are normal. I will love myself and keep certain personal priorities no matter what. I feel those keep me from being in bad relationships and help me stay connected to me. It helps me keep my connection with myself that gives me the strength to do what I need to no matter what. I know that I hold a piece of my heart back when I fall in love. I have tried to change this, but I think it is not something that will. It is not like I try to, it just happens. I believe it goes with my issues with trusting people. I trust people but they don’t surprise me when they break it. It’s the same with my heart. So I guess the way I love is with a protectiv

SITC #7 Cuddling

I like to cuddle. I will admit I missed it a lot while in the LD marriage. I enjoy being able to again. Cuddling is so nice. It is a level of intimacy, atleast to me. Like a way to be intimate without doing too much. Which is important while dating! You can not tell me after a long day of work, fighting traffic and folks getting on your nerves it does not feel great to curl up in that special person’s arms. Then you take that deep breath. You know what I’m talking about! Another one of my favorite semi-intimate actions is the forehead kiss. It makes me melt. Yes, I am being sappy! Dag, I hope who I am dating or may date is reading this.

SITC #6 Comfort Zone

My new challenge with dating is finding my comfort zone. As we get to know each other better and figure out each others personalities the zone is being created. Though, I catch myself wondering if certain actions will make him feel uncomfortable or will be doing too much. Some things come naturally. Head on shoulder, holding hands, the subtle touches here and there. While other things can turn out very awkward. Have us both sitting there laughing at ourselves! I often get told by men interested in me that I am “hard to read.” I am use to hearing that, it’s who I am. I am a pretty laid back about a lot of things and very passionate about others. I know it’s confusing to someone to figure out what things get which reaction from me. A friend of mine told me last week “Trying to figure you out is counterproductive and a waste of energy!” And they have known me for 8 years! I’m a lot of work but I am worth it. Well at least I think so! I will continue to work on building the comfort zone fo

The New Yorker Cover

I was not going to address the New Yorker’s broadly publicized cover, but since it’s all over the place I will! It portrays Democratic presidential candidate, Barack Obama, in a Muslim outfit and his wife, Michelle Obama, in a militant outfit. When I first say the cover on theybf I was very upset. I understand freedom of speech but wow! It seemed like a blatant attack on Obama’s campaign to me! I was appalled at how they put it up, on the cover of all places. Then to have the audacity to call it satire! I know it was sarcasm, but just like some jokes, it did not come across well. Atleast to me! I spent some of time on Monday and Tuesday reading responses and explanations to the cover. I was not as upset after reading some of them. Others made me want to scream. Tuesday, Obama was on Larry King Live. I really enjoyed this interview. At the beginning Larry King asked Obama what he made of the cover. His response: “Well, I know it was the "New Yorker's" attempt at satire. I

SITC #5 Date Night

The best part of being single, well second to not having to deal with someone 24/7, is date night! It is fun to get dressed up and all cute for a date! Well, maybe I’m alone on this feeling. I love it! I even do my make up, more than my normal mascara and lip gloss! Pick out a cute outfit that fits the date of course. Hmmm maybe I just like showing off my true diva-ness! Over the last few months I have been having a lot of fun dating. I am getting to experience new places and environments. Simple dates, like just grabbing a quick dinner excite me. Dag I am way too excited about this dating thing! The fancier dates are great too. Shoot just hanging out on the deck makes me happy. Maybe it’s not just the getting cute thing, it could be the company. Either way, it’s great. Tonight I am going out with the guy I’ve been dating. We’re going to a lounge here in downtown Atlanta. I look forward to eating some tapas, having a few drinks and dancing. The joys of dating!

Friends

Friendships are a lot like relationships. You get to know each other. Spend time together. Realize what you have in common and what you don’t. A bond is created. You have highs and lows. Arguments and make up. Your friendship develops. Even in a group of friends there are different levels of friendships among the members of the group. Each has a special type of bond with others. Do all friendships last forever? No. People grow apart. At times we have to “clean house.”

SITC #4 Finding Balance

The last few months of my marriage were long distance. I mainly only had to make time for phone calls. Now I am trying to find time and patience for dating. I do not have a super busy life. I got use to filling my time with other activities while doing the LDM thing. I am trying to find the balance. I have the time for work. Not just the job that currently bring in the checks, but the one the one that will soon (speaking it into existence), my writing career. Add in motherly and family duties. Then I have my slacker time, yeah I’m one of them! Time to eat and sleep! Oh and spending time with my great circle of friends. I enjoy spending time with them. Going to dinner, the movies or out for drinks. I have included the guy I am dating in some of these activities and enjoyed it. I know I’ll find the balance. I am still enjoying my singleness. We’ll see how I feel when it’s starts getting cold. If you’re wondering, I am still deciding on dating more than one person.

The Ultimate Goal

Last night I went out with several of my girlfriends for drinks. During a conversation with other patrons, one of the guys decided to give us a breakdown on how women and men select, date and decide to go for the “Ultimate Goal,” marriage. It may seem strange but I never thought of marriage as The goal of dating. Even though I know that dating leads to settling down and possibly marriage. I never really thought about how some people see it this way until last night. I never looked at marriage that way. I knew that I would eventually settle down and get married. I never had a set age or status for when I would. I have done the living together thing and decided that I would not do it again. I realized that I was giving all of myself in relationships without the legal part. I learned what did not work for me in previous relationships. I tried it a different way with the ex-husband and you see where I am now. So once again, I am taking my lessons learned to guide my steps. I realized that

SITC #3 The Joys of being single

I am loving life right now. Dating is fun! Not as fun as being boo’d up but fun none the less. I expected to find myself at home twiddling my thumbs and wishing I had stuff to do. This is so not the case! I feel so free and happy! I mean mentally, physically and emotionally free and happy! It’s great! Before the separation, I was barely doing anything and was not myself. I am a social butterfly! I love being out and about. I feel like I’m back to my old self. I am spending time with friends, family and my new male friend! I’m doing things I wanted to do but hadn’t. Waking up with hang overs and all! LOL It’s funny that I find that fun, huh? There is rarely a dull moment now! I look forward to sharing more of my adventures of dating and single life in general with you. The fun has just begun!

Female Success Factor Seminar

I attended a wonderful seminar on Saturday, Female Success Factor . Rolling Out magazine presented and CoverGirl Queen Collection sponsored it. I read about the seminar on Necole Bitchie’s blog . When I first saw the title I thought it would be helpful for my friend, Felicia, who owns her own business . After I read the site, I realized I could also benefit from it. I was not sure what it would be like since I have not been to many seminars or conferences. The ones I have been to were work or school related. When I arrived there was a women playing music, CoverGirl was doing makeovers and the participants were socializing. It was a very nice environment. It was hosted by Munson Steed, Rolling Out’s publisher. The panelist were Jamika Pessoa (chef), Necole Bitchie (blogger), Chilli (TLC) and Caryn Ward (actress). Each shared their life and success stories. They gave affirmations and other motivational words. It was very informative. I smiled, laughed and cried. It was bett

My process Part 1

I decided at the end of 2007, that I would make my writing hobby into career. I tried the traditional route for a career. I went to college after high school because it was expected of me. I chose a major, packed my bags (and party clothes) and set up shop at NC Central University. I had no desire to go to college and it showed! My first semester my GPA was a 1.9! No one told me I would actually have to do work while there! I became pregnant with my daughter in the winter of 2001, I was a sophomore who still barely went to class. The life growing inside of me changed so many things for me. I knew I had to be more than the cute chic at every good party. I got focused, changed my major and got rid of some friends. In July 2002, I gave birth to my beautiful daughter. I thought I made a huge transformation before her birth; that was nothing compared to what was to come. . .

Fathers

Yesterday I found out that a very good friend of mine’s father passed. It hurt my heart even though I have never met him. This friend and I have become very close over the last two years. She was with me on Christmas day 2006 when I found out my father passed after being in the hospital for two weeks. Her father was in a very similar situation. He had been in the hospital for a few weeks. She was also with me when I found out my friend Denita was murdered. The same day of my father’s funeral, which she attended as well. My heart goes out to her and her family. We are alike in several ways and she is handling it the same way I did. Celebrating his life, instead of his death. I will not be able to attend his funeral next week because it will be in Long Island, NY. I am keeping her and her family in my thoughts and prayers. I know her mother, sister and niece and know they all have a good support system. Keeping her in my thoughts has caused me to realize how many of my “circle” has lost

Good Poem

I came across this poem, When I say, “I’m a Christian” by Carol Wimmer . I really enjoyed it, thought I’d share When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not shouting, "I've been saved!"I'm whispering, "I get lost! That's why I chose this way" When I say, "I am a Christian," I don't speak with human prideI'm confessing that I stumble-needing God to be my guide When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not trying to be strongI'm professing that I'm weak and pray for strength to carry on When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not bragging of success I'm admitting that I've failed and cannot ever pay the debt When I say, "I am a Christian," I don't think I know it all I submit to my confusion asking humbly to be taught When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not claiming to be perfect My flaws are far too visible but God believes I'm worth it When I say, "I am a C

SITC #2 Getting To Know You Questions

I hate the getting to know you conversations. I mean deep Deep DEEP in my heart hate them! I don’t feel like replaying my whole life history. Naming my childhood best friends and pets. How I got my nickname. Where I did this and that. Why I did this and that. I’m seriously considering writing a essay with all that information. I’ll add in my favorite colors, flowers, and places to visit. Then I’ll just email it to a guy instead of having those conversations. That way I save myself from having a mental breakdown! I know you’re sitting over there thinking how do you get to know someone without asking those things. I am not saying that they can not ask. Just don’t ask me all of those in the same day! Lord have mercy! This isn’t Who Wants To Be A Millionaire! Personally, a lot of things I learn about people, I learn over time. From regular conversations where I may ask a question in response to something they say. Not by asking 21 questions every hour! I mean really what is up with a firin

Love

“ We love because it’s the only true adventure. ” - Nikki Giovanni There are so many different types of love. All unique and special. Before I became a parent, almost six years ago, I did not understand the love a parent has for a child. I can not even find the words to describe the love you have for someone you created. Watching them grow, learn and become a person. It’s an amazing experience. Romantic love is great. The butterflies in your stomach you get when you hear that special someone’s voice. The feel of their touch lights your body on fire. The thought of them makes you smile. Falling in love for the first time is amazing. The feeling was new, unconditional and exciting. I remember that no matter what anyone told me, I only could focus on that feeling. The love you have for your family is strong. This love is normally tested though. We all have those family members who like to push our buttons. At the end of the day, they are your family and you love them regardles

Single In the City blog #1

As I previously stated I am doing a Single In the City blog on BAB . I will copy them over here after they have been posted there a few days. I will title them SITC then number them, depending on how long the title I might include them in the title on here. If it's long I'll just put it in the post! So here is the first one! Enjoy! Single, Taken, Engaged, Married, Single Again I was married on October 7th, 2007 in an intimate ceremony at The Stanley House , a beautiful Southern home in metro Atlanta. Our wedding day was three months after we became engaged. I put a lot of work into planning our special day, but now that I look back I realize it was not that serious. Not because we are no longer together. Because of the stress and pressure I added on myself. I am sure you are wondering why we are not together. Well, neither of us is perfect. R, the ex-husband, felt that some of the agreements we made before getting married were no longer acceptable. He is in the military, a

Brown & Bridal

Today a good friend of mine launched her new bridal site! It is Brown and Brida l . A bridal website for the brown bride. I was lucky to watch the growth of this site over the last few months. I can not say enough about it or it’s creator. I have gotten to know the creator Senam over the last year online and consider her a good friend. She is like my sistah! She is a wife, mother of a two year old and she's pregnant with twins. She is also a graphic designer! She is seriously superwoman! I am blessed to have her in my life. I hope that you check out her website. It is the best thing since sliced bread! It has message boards, chat rooms, pictures, blogs and an arcade! Also check out her business website ! She has asked me to blog on her site. I will be doing what I like to call, Single In The City blogs. Yes it is a bridal site, but I'm a ex-bride! I'll be covering the re-entering into single life aspect of things. I am so excited about this o

Sex And The City Movie

It’s out, I saw it and I loved it! I laughed, I cried, I held my breath and I walked out smiling! What all great movies should have! I am a HUGE fan of the show. I don’t plan to ever live in NYC so the show is my way to feel like I do. I love the characters and loved seeing their progression in the movie. It’s like they are my friends too. After reading all the entertainment sites and blogs I knew Carrie and Big were going to at least plan a wedding. So that part didn’t surprise me. I knew he would be a no show when Miranda opened her mouth at their engagement party. Though I was not ready for the beat down (with flowers) Carrie gave him. I am glad they showed him telling the driver to go back because he was making a mistake. It hurt me to see her during her “honeymoon”, but love hurts. Steve sleeping someone else did. I always put Steve in the punk category! I mean really, he’s a bartender and Miranda is a lawyer! Step your game up Steve! The fact they had not had sex in six months wo

Obama gets the Nom

I am so proud of the Democratic party, America and Obama today! I have so much to say but I’m so excited I’m not sure I’ll get it all out! First, I hope that black men are being inspired by Obama. I truly hope they are researching his life story and realizing that he didn’t come from the “cookie cutter” life. Anyone can become great! ANYONE ! For those saying someone is might try to assassinate him, the same folks not wanting a black president probably don’t want a woman either. Haters are there for a reason, to motivate us! Also, we can not sit around and worry about the what if’s. If we do that we’d never make any progress. As far as the Vice President goes. I would love, I repeat, love for John Edwards (a fellow NCCU Eagle) to be the VP. Obama and Edwards had similar views on a lot of issues and I think that is very important in the White House. Though, I will admit that Hilary as VP would make a very strong Democratic ticket. Today I listened to a interview with a Senator

Dating

I wrote a little something on dating before leaving on my vacation. I know I expect a lot from my next “boo.” I have high standards and needs, but I am defiantly worth the work. I just really am not in the place to deal with any drama, disrespect or extra work. I have a feeling I am going to walk away from someone who is worth the work just because I don’t feel like putting it in. I guess I have to figure out some things in my head. I know I can be thrown off easily by simple actions. Especially while getting to know someone. It’s frustrating, but I am trying to be patient and relax. Though it is SO obvious when I’m irritated. I am going to see how it goes. The next few months might just practice to get me in the swing of single life again. Or it could be the start of something great. I know that God has it all figured out, so I’ll sit back and try to relax. WOW I am seriously dating again! Who would of guessed it!

I've been MIA

I haven’t posted in over a week. I went on a short vacation to the beach. I really enjoyed it. Then I was trying to get back into the swing of things when I returned. I have been dating and actually enjoying it. Also, I have been working on establishing a friendship with the ex-husband. We’ve come to an agreement that it’s not going to work as far as a couple but are trying to be cordial. We’ll see how this plays out.

My Favorite Celeb Couple

I am addicted to reading current celebrity news online. One of my favorite sites is . Currently, well actually for a long time now, my favorite celebrity couple is Jay Z and Beyonce. Or should I say, Mr. & Mrs Carter! They are both at the top of the music game, stylish and seem to be pretty cool people. Plus I got to love any woman who is consistently fly and drop hot songs! I came across pictures of their new home they started building 6 months ago in, Scarsdale, NY the same city they filed their marriage license in. Check the pics out.

Finding the Best of Me – Part 2

I posted a little over a month ago about me seperating from my husband. Well it’s official we are not working things out. It is a wrap and time to move on. I don't plan to (and haven't been) sit around and wait for him to get some sense. Life is WAY too short, I have been shown this over and over. Between the job, marriage and other life issues I have come to the point where I've decided to enjoy life. I refuse to sit around, settle or wait. The time is now because tomorrow is so not promised! If you are reading this and wondering what I mean… I am going to flirt, date and see where it leads. There is no time like the present. So it’s official I’m accepting applications! LOL I really dispise dating and the getting to know you crap, but it is what it is (deep sigh).

Quotes: May week 3

This week’s quote is from a song I have really been feeling the last two weeks. I am a huge hip hop fan and music junkie. Though I am really into the lyrics, though the beats will get me at times. “ God will take you to hell, just to get you to heaven Like a change in direction, even when you ain't planned it All you can do it handle it, worst thing you can do is panic Use it to your advantage, avoid insanity matters To conquer every obstacle, make impossible possible Even when winning is illogical, losing is still far from optional Somehow I rise above my problems and remain here Yeah, and I hope the picture’s painted clear If your heart is fill with faith then you can't fear… Let go and let god deal with it ” No Matter What by T.I. (Clifford Harris Jr) The corus alone got me but several lines from this song had to be pulled and given attention. I didn’t post the corus though. The first line says so much. The hard times are worth it in the end! Make a way out of no way (make i

Trust

Over the last week I have heard how strong I am and how well I am dealing with this situation. I am a little disturbed it wasn't harder for me. I have learned or adapted to dealing with bull in my life. Especially from folks close to me. I have gotten to the point, I do not put anything past anyone. I know that seems crazy, but I don't trust 100%. I have people I am close to, but if they stepped out of the box, I would boo-hoo for a few days. Then, I'd pick myself up and keep moving. I do not feel the need to sulk in what was and could of been. Also I don't feel bad when someone does some bs. That was their choice and I have to deal with it. And morning a little and moving on is my way. Sadly dealing with so much bs in my life has allowed me to turn my feelings on and off quickly. I shut off and refuse to care or desire to care for the individual passing out the bs. I limit or cut off all association with the person. I feel no need to continue the communication, friends

SATC sneak peaks

I am a HUGE Sex and The City fan. So in my internet stalking of the movie I came across a few clips and a longer trailer ! And there is more... yes I know you're thinking this is more than enough! I came across an article I thought was cute and funny titled Love Lessons from Sex and the City . Check it out and enjoy. I either watched this show way too much or really related to the article, either way I like it!

How I'm feeling today

Frustrated isn’t even the word right now. I am so unhappy with my job. I am in a position I am over qualified for and causes me to work evenings and Saturdays. Which results in me having less time to spend with my daughter. I have been looking for another job, but have not came across anything yet. I wonder if anything I find will be fulfilling to me though. I am not career oriented, jobs and careers are the last thing on my mind. I really want to just write and take pics and get a check for it. Yea, I know they might not be large checks at first. Lately though my creativity for writing has been at a low. I am considering doing an autobiography though. Since it doesn’t require much creativity. I am hoping to start working with a photographer in the next month, though this dag-gone job is hindering me doing so on Sats! I feel kind down and out today. I know that things will get better considering a month ago I felt like the whole world had falling down around me and yesterday I felt on

Choosing to be happy

I have come to realize that being unhappy is a choice. I know you’re like “What the hell?” We make the choice to stay at the jobs, in relationships, to deal with the people or go to the places that make us unhappy. Also we let certain things get to us that we could choose to ignore or accept that we can not control. Working a job you’re unhappy doing may not always be a choice 100%. Yes, someone does have to bring home the bacon but can you bring it home doing something else? Have you looked or pursued another job? (Yes, I know the economy is a hot mess) Have you considered what makes you happy and how you can profit from that? Our hobbies can be our careers! Being with someone who makes you unhappy can be a downer on your overview of many things. I know nothing is perfect, but finding the line between what you can deal with and what you can’t is important. Many of us get comfortable in our situations. We feel we have companionship, when we really don’t. We have a roommate! Your signif

Quotes

I’ve decided to add a weekly feature to my blog. I will do a weekly quote and discuss it. If you know me, you know I am… lets call it ‘wordy’. I can remember quotes and have plenty to tell you whenever I feel the need. It’s strange how I can remember the words to hundreds of songs, quotes and more but can not remember what I put on my grocery list! This week’s quote is one I have loved for a while and was brought to my attention again by a good friend a little over a month ago. It spoke to me very personally, because it reminded me hating someone is doing more damage to me than to them. “I would permit no man, no matter what his colour might be, to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate him.” Booker T. Washington It is from his book Up From Slavery (1901), Chapter XI.

I Don't Want

I don’t want to be paid, I want to be wealthy. I don’t want just street smarts, I want knowledge and wisdom. I don’t want to be feared and avoided, I want to be respected and loved. I don’t want the American dream, I want to be content. I don’t want to look forward to the future, I want to enjoy the journey of life. I don’t want simple friendships & relationships, I want good friends and real companionship. In conversations with people I have noticed how much we talk and pray about what we want. Then we get what we asked for and nothing more. It normally is not enough. Do not only pray for a house or car, pray for a good stable job. Do not just pray for a mate, pray for self-improvement and a companion. Pray about what is preventing you from obtaining the things you desire. For what is preventing you from being what you need to be in God’s eyes. Please do not just pray for yourself, family and friends, pray for our nation, world and future generations.

Time Magazine

This May 19th, 2008 cover of Time magazine is the best cover yet! Check out the cover article too. The cover and article says all I need to say!

Expectations

Over the last few days I have been thinking a lot about expectations. What we expect from others, what folks expect from us and so on. I covered self expectations a few weeks ago. I got to thinking about expectations and how often they are communicated. When our jobs expect something from us they tell us. Do we do the same in our personal lives? Yes and No. I think many of us do it to an extent. What we want someone to really know we speak up and say. Though sometimes we keep certain thoughts, that are expectations, to ourselves. I don’t feel we try to, it just happens. A good relationship with your significant other, friends or family members should have good communication. Is it always that way, no. Though communication is the main way we will know what is expected of us. Should you just tell them “Do this and that or else!” Uh, try that and let me know how it works. LOL I think it’s a simple as saying “I would appreciate it if you…” Will that work with everyone? He

Reaching Out

I have had several friends and associates contact me during the last few weeks telling me how much they can relate to what I went through. Even some in the midst of what I was going through. It amazes and hurts me to see so many of us going through it. I know life is not perfect, but dag! I received support, encouraging words and personal triumph stories when I announced my situation. Over the last two weeks I have been helping two ladies through similar situations. Offering words of encouragement and a different view on things. I decided to share some of what was said. I hope that this can help someone since I see so many are in this place. While I was going through it I was scared of not being with him, what people would say, of what I would do if I walked away and more. But I was being eaten up inside by it all. I was not myself anymore, having health issues and more. I wanted to walk away but at the time there was certain things I thought I needed him for. I finally jus

Finding The Best Of Me - Part 1

I am learning more and more about myself, life and others everyday. I feel like I view things from the outside at times. Like I’m not really a part of something I am a part of. It’s strange that I am secretly enjoying my new found “freedom”. At first I wasn’t sure if I would enjoy it or not. I find myself clicking with new folks and finding new things to do. I picked up some old activities and now wonder what made me stop doing them. Now, I am not saying I am 100% loving my new “freedom”. I do miss him, but after a moment of two I think of the mean words and actions he did. Then the feeling my heart has now for him returns. I think it’s like when you change jobs or move to a new house. You miss certain aspects of the previous situation, job or home but you are glad you have moved forward. I get the question daily do I think we will reconcile. I honestly am not sure. I don’t want to say no because you should never say never. Though I must admit there is a lot, no… a ton of

One

It is amazing how much your life can change in one second, one moment, one hour, one day, one week, one month, one year. One can mean the difference between life and death, happiness and sadness, celebrating and mourning, winning and losing, bad and good. Your choices are what you have to live with. So make them for you and no one else because tomorrow is not promised. Not promised in life, love, jobs or anything. You can not control anything or anyone but yourself. It seems simple to believe and understand, but I think many of use think “If I do this they will do that.” In reality everyone reacts to stuff differently. You can not control what anyone else thinks, says, does or feels. You can wish, hope and pray what will and won’t happen. Though at the end of the day each individual will do what they want. The weather will be how it is, if you have picnic planned that day or not. The world will continue to revolve while your in hurting, rejoicing, crying, partying and dying. O

I'm Still Standing

Over the last two years I have been through a lot of life changes. Through it all I am still standing. Thankfully God does not put more on you than you can bear! I know that many of you have questions. I tried marriage, worked at it and it didn't work out (atleast with that person). That doesn't change my view on love or marriage, just of him! But those of you who really really know me, know I am GOOD ! I have been through way worse than a relationship gone bad and God has taken care of me every time. I know that he is one man I can truly count on, no matter what! I want to thank everyone for their prayers, concerns, kind words and encouragement during my struggle the last few months and especially the last few weeks. Each of you made what I was going through easier and opened my eyes. I realize now that there is a bigger and better blessing for me out there. Who am I to kick and scream about what was or what I wanted, God controls my life and my destiny. I will cont

More of me

This evening I was looking at new blog designs and came across one I liked. I have had the same blog design since I began blogging on blogspot and wanted a change. Though I love, love, love my pin-up girl =) When I came to my page to add the new code, I realized how relevant my current blog design is to my life. I have been battling with blogging about my marriage issues and status. Even though I began blogging while planning our wedding I wasn’t sure how much to share about the current status and issues. Now I realize I want to share my thought, fears, and feelings. Not only because I’m sure I am beginning a new journey in my life, but because I hope it can help someone else. My blog’s current design says “He loves me. He loves me not.” WOW at how real that is toward my current position. On Sunday, April 13th my husband told me he wanted to separate. We had been having issues of many types since… well within weeks of saying “I Do.” There is a lot that goes into it. There we

One step at a time

Over the last few months I have been through a lot emotionally. I have come to realize that each person journey is different and I shouldn’t be ashamed of what I am going through. I have learned that no matter how much you love some else you must love yourself first and foremost. That it is important to keep your word. Even if the other person does not. I feel I learned and I’m still learning a lesson. I do not feel that any relationship should be extremely hard work. Things that are worth having are worth fighting for, but there is a level to it. When disrespect and any abuse become present the level is being reached. I feel like this is an amazing time in my life. Though I am going through a lot of hurt and pain right now I see how much I have. In the last few days I have realized how much I am blessed with or without certain elements in my life. I took some time today to look at pictures of myself and my daughter since birth up until now. I thought of what I was going thro

Compassion & understanding

Now that I am confidently standing on my own two feet, I can not forget who I was, what I felt and how hard it was for me during those times. Many of us including myself forget about the phases and situations we went through. We see others in them, but do not have compassion. We do not offer advise, a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold or anything. We feel like we don’t understand why they are doing this and that, but in reality we can relate in some way. At times I feel we all forget where we came from, what we have been through and how we were. I don’t only mean this in the “Moving on up” Jefferson’s way. I mean this in many ways. Situations you have been in, emotions you’ve felt, things you struggled with, painful things you went through and how hard it was at those times. I am going to share my “phases” and hopefully you will be able to relate. If not personally, maybe you know someone who is going or went through them. I have been: * Selfish * Lazy * Mean * Jealous * Sad * Broken

Self expectations

The last few weeks I have had a certain conversation with quite a few friends. These conversations were not all at once or planned. I realized today that their concerns and views are the same of many, including me. We find ourselves feeling like we are not where WE think we should be in life or “by now”. I realize that this idea that we are keeping is like a weed in our lovely manicured laws. Who says what any of us should be doing or “at” in life at 21, 26, 32, 37, 40 and 45? One of the friends I had this conversation with is 26 just like me. She graduated from college in 2004. She stated to me how she felt she should be further in to her career and on her way to being engaged by now. She said she felt unsuccessful because she didn’t have what she thought she would at this age. She feels she made some wrong choices in her career and previous relationships. After to talking to her I thought about all the self-expectations we have for ourselves. From degrees to our careers to o

What a great Sunday

Today I attended Sunday morning worship service at Ebenezer Baptist Church . This is the church my grandmother attended for many years and my mother attended the early years of my life. I have been looking for a new church home the last two months. I was attending a church of a family friends’ in East Point off and on for the last two years. I want to find a church I like and feel I want to join. Today I felt that feeling. I really enjoyed service there. I was like a breath of fresh air! I must admit there are certain things I do not want in a church I attend. I don’t feel the need to be there all day. I like service to give me what I need in 1 to 2 hours. I have a short attention span and struggle after the two hour mark. I like a church of mixed races (or at least where they feel comfortable), and age groups financial situations. I enjoy churches where the sermon is preached in a way that everyone can relate. From age 14 to 80. Today, I saw and experienced all those thi

Dr. King in 2008

Today was the 40th anniversary of Dr. Martin Luther King’s assassination . It is a blessing that we were allowed to have a wonderful and powerful man like this on Earth. Though it is so sad that his time here was so short. After watching several specials on Dr. King, I began to wonder how much has America, race relations and economic relations changed over the last 40 years. I looked at several articles about this online today. It seems like this is a question many are asking. A quote for Dr. King is on my mind today. It is a quote from his last Sunday sermon at Washington National Cathedral in 1968. " There is nothing new about poverty. What is new is that we now have the means and the know-how to lift every child out of poverty. The real question is whether we have the will! " It is amazing how this statement is still 100% true today. How much has changed? How much has not? I personally didn’t realize the large differences in economic class until Hurrican Katrina. I grew up

Making the decision

When are you and your significant other’s(SO) differences and issues to much? They say opposites attract, but how much is too much. He eats what you’re allergic to. She snores and it keeps you up at night. He isn’t there for you enough. She complains to much. He puts you down. She doesn’t spend money wisely. He is not fulfilling you sexually. She doesn’t discuss major decisions with you. He’s not ready for the commitment you want. No relationship is perfect, but there is a line between right and not so right. For each person it’s different. I feel there are a few levels to what breaks the deal. There are deal breakers. Things that can happen once or twice and you throw up the deuces and peace out. Like cheating, abuse and stealing. Then there are the in-betweens. The things that you let slide, depending on how much you like/love the person. Like the way they talk, how they handle certain things, snoring, other traits and habits. These things may be annoying, but you can live with them.

Earth Hour

Yesterday evening over 200 cities, including Atlanta, particapted in Earth Hour. Earth Hour is an international event that asks households and businesses to turn off their lights and non-essential electrical appliances for one hour on the evening of 29th of March 2008 at 8 pm local time until 9 pm to promote electricity conservation and make a statement about climate change. The event is organized and promoted by World Wide Fund (WWF), the largest multinational conservation organization in the world. Earth Hour has also received the backing of search engine giant, Google. From 12:00 AM on March 29, 2008 till the end of that day, the Google homepage in the United States, Canada, and the UK was turned to a black background. Their tagline is, "We've turned the lights out. Now it's your turn - Earth Hour." The first Earth Hour was held in Sydney, Australia between 7:30 pm and 8:30 pm on 31st of March 2007. The 2007 Earth Hour is estimated to have cut Sydney's mai

The Wedding Industry

Today while chatting with my girls we began discussing the wedding industry. The hoopla and money associate with a wedding. During this conversation I stated that how happy I am I didn’t stick with the original budget we had for our wedding. How I would be mad if I had spent that much now that I am married. Some times I feel like I am anti-weddings. It might be from being on The Knot (TK) since this past July. Or seeing couples, especially the women, put so much work, time and focus into their wedding and its over in a snap! Some spend a year or more planning their wedding. Researching, looking, buying and stressing over every detail of it and the day is over before you know it. I am NOT saying don’t do what YOU want, but do NOT get caught up in the hype! I mean seriously, would you put this much time in planning a party? A get together? A retirement party? Nope... so why your wedding? It's technically a party. It is a celebration of your union. Definition of wedding (1) a marriage

Inappropriate Questions

I am the queen of asking questions. I ask because I rather ask than assume, but I try not to ask inappropriate questions. If only others would do so too! Here are some I get and/or hear. “What grade are you in?” Um stupid motherf’er I am GROWN! Notice the diamonds on my left hand and my wedding band. The nice business casual clothes! This is a question I get atleast once a month from some random stupid person that don’t know me and they usually get a rude response. I mean if you are observant enough to look at me and think I’m that young you need to really be observant! And I’m a sistah, yes with a H! Yall know black don’t crack! “When are you due?” This one always makes me laugh when someone ask a woman who has a muffin top stomach and is NOT pregnant! I know it’s funny to me since I don’t get that question, but still how ignorant is that! “When are you having kids?” Um lets see, never! Why are you all in our sex life? I mean really! I am going to start saying, “We

Boyfriend & Girlfriend to Husband & Wife

The other day I had a conversation with a co-worker about marriage. She stated she does not ever see herself married or having kids. I asked why and she said it was too much commitment. I told her that marriage is like being boyfriend and girlfriend times ten. She said she didn’t want to be that committed to someone. I asked her did she have a boyfriend. She said no, but that she has in the past. I asked did she take it seriously when they were together, like was she committed to their relationship. She said yes, but not too much since they were only boyfriend and girlfriend. I told her I didn’t understand how you can expect more if you don’t take the current level seriously. I discussed this with my girls and was given few more comments on the subject. All agreed the main difference is the level of commitment. Yes, you will be more committed to your spouse than your bf/gf. In marriage, you take vows that are between the couple and God. Bf/gf title is temporary to most. Cheating in mar

Happy Easter

Today is Easter. It is celebrated as the religious holiday commemorating the resurrection of Jesus Christ, the son of God. The resurrection of Jesus occurred on the third day after his crucifixion. Easter is a time of rebirth and resurrection. I joined the members of New Birth Missionary Church for Easter Service today at the Georgia Dome. This year was the 14th year Bishop Eddie Long’s church held it Easter service there. The safety of the dome was a concern after the tornado damaged it 9 days ago. I enjoyed the service. The program included a reenactment of the resurrection of Jesus, the church choir sang, and dance and step groups performed. Fred Hammond performed, Sheryl Lee Ralph sang as well as spoke on HIV in the black community and Clifford Harris (better known as T.I.) spoke. Overall it was a nice service. It was amazing to see so many touched in numerous ways by it. It was very moving seeing that alone. Picture of T.I. addressing the congregation

Infidelity

Over the last few months we have heard alot about infidelity and their spouses, especially wives, standing by them. From Detroits mayor to NY's governor to Bill Clinton's infidelity. These situations make many wonder why the spouse stands by their mate. This doesn't just happen in politics, it happens in every life too! Why do they stand by them? Why do they stay? Some say women are more likely to stay with a cheating mate than men. I do think that men have a pride issue and would leave faster, but not in every situation. No one is perfect and we all have to learn what we can and can not deal with. I don't feel women ignore it, I think many don't know what to do. They are afraid to leave, of what people will think or say. Some may think they should stick it out, others may think being with them is better than being alone. I believe if you don't stand up and respect for yourself, NO one will. I personally dealed with infidelity in previous relationships.

Obama speech

Today Obama gave one of the best speeches I've heard in a long time. Please check out this video of it. It is kinda long but worth every second! Yes We Can! I want all of us to stop talking about what folks should and could do and do something ourselves! Research the candidate that fits your view and needs. Get out and vote. If you want to see change happen start with yourself. This is a great year for America, we can make a change if we actually try!

Marriage a Trend?

I hear how getting married is a trend right now from a lot of people. How so many people they know are getting married. I do not think it’s a trend. Personally I feel many are not willing to "play house". These people want to actually have a home, a real home not house, for them and their family. Not just the illusion. To me "playing house" is living together, sharing bills, responsibility and so on but not making the final and lawful commitment. Honestly think about it. Sharing a home, bills, money, emotions and more with someone is being committed. Why not say “I do”? Many play house and think nothing about it. Or maybe one person in the couple wants to make it official and the other isn’t ready. How are you not ready? Y’all doing everything else! I believe it’s easy to give lame reason why you are not married or about to be married when you are living together. It’s always easy to do the wrong thing, I mean this in the biblical way. I feel it’s easy

Balance

Over the last year I have learned a lot more about myself. I’ve had the chance to add, subtract, reduce and increase many things in my life. I have come to realize that sometimes we desire a change in our lives, but when we get the change it isn’t the way we planned it to be. I know that we as humans can not plan how things actually play out but we all make a blueprint of what we plan. Many times what we plan and what actually happens are different. I realize now that many things are in our lives for a reason and without (or a reduced amount) we are not complete. This may be our jobs, friends, family, and more. Everything plays apart in making us whole. I know this now. I made a career change in November. As a result I was working part time. At first I loved having so much free time, but after the first month found myself bored. After having this time, I realize I have to a find balance between all the things in my life. These things include work, family, myself, friends, ho

Tornado in ATL

Friday night a tornado hit downtown Atlanta. I still can not believe it. It is amazing to see the damage it caused. I was born and raised in this city! This is the stuff I watch on the news not a few blocks from my house! I was moments from being caught in it. Thank God I was running behind for once in my life. I am normally very on time but wasn’t Friday night. I was and left a few minutes behind. There is major damage less than a mile from my house. I love living downtown, but the other day I wasn’t so in love with the idea! Thankfully no one I know was injured or had major damage to their homes. One of my favorite bars, the Harlem Bar is closed. It is on Edgewood. The tornado did some serious damage to that area. I am thankful that few were injured and no one was killed. It’s amazing that now one was since it hit in a very populated area. Thank God it was 9:30pm and not rush hour!

How much do you waste?

Do you waste money, food, water, gas, clothes, and ect. I’ve noticed over that we ALL have something we waste. I have been working over the last year on my waste amounts. I use to be a big waster of money. I bought and bought. If it was on sale I bought it. “It’s a deal, can’t beat that!” Is what I told myself. In reality though I see how those choices effect me know. Not just in my bank accounts, but extra space in my home too. Is your wasting ruining your financial security? I watch myself and others take our friendships for granted. No one has to be any of our friends. It does not kill us to take 10 minutes of your week or month to call a friend you may not get to see or talk to often. Check on them, see how their life is going and let them know you’re there for them. We all have a friend or two whom we need to let out of our lives. Are you wasting your friendships or relationships? We all have things we can cut back on. It can be as simple as not impulse buying, rec

Change

I find myself growing distant from a few people in my life who previously were very close to me. I notice it is very easy to point fingers at the other person saying “They changed.” But realistically we both have changed. We are not the same people and our relationships are defiantly no the same! Is either one of us to blame? I’ve been thinking about when people grow. They can grow closer to some and away from others. They can become stronger in some traits and weaker in others. They may become a better person in some eyes and a worse to others. They may distance themselves from things they feel are no longer a positive influence on their life and lean toward other things that they think are. They may find themselves seeing through completely new eyes. Hearing with new ears and focusing on things they never did before. Change can be good and bad. Who says a relationship between two can not grow as they grow individually. Their individual growth may show them that they are n