Over the last week I have heard how strong I am and how well I am dealing with this situation. I am a little disturbed it wasn't harder for me. I have learned or adapted to dealing with bull in my life. Especially from folks close to me.
I have gotten to the point, I do not put anything past anyone. I know that seems crazy, but I don't trust 100%. I have people I am close to, but if they stepped out of the box, I would boo-hoo for a few days. Then, I'd pick myself up and keep moving. I do not feel the need to sulk in what was and could of been. Also I don't feel bad when someone does some bs. That was their choice and I have to deal with it. And morning a little and moving on is my way.
Sadly dealing with so much bs in my life has allowed me to turn my feelings on and off quickly. I shut off and refuse to care or desire to care for the individual passing out the bs. I limit or cut off all association with the person. I feel no need to continue the communication, friendship or anything. I will admit there are people in my life currently that have done some bs. After I took my time away from them, got over the situation and forgave them I let them back into my life. Though, I do keep caution signs and bright lights around them.
It frustrates me that this is what I've become. I've tried to be a 100% trusting and have realized I am not. I don't sit around waiting for the other shoe to drop, but if it does I'm not shocked. Maybe this deeper than me. Maybe society, television, movies and living life have shown me that these things happen in life. "Suck it up and move on." Or I might just be someone who closes and locks the door to her heart quickly. I am in no way saying I have never been hurt, heart broken or upset about some bs someone has done. The previous experiences have caused me to adapt to the scenario.
It takes me a while to feel close to someone. Not saying I don't like them or feel they are my friend, but that I am not close to them. Over time I open up more to people, but I have to feel them out first. I have been told so many times I am hard to read or figure out. I like it that way. Put in the work and you'll see what I really am. The real me isn't open for anyone to view, only a select few. The V.I.P.
Does this all have to do with trust? Who knows, I feel it is more an adaptation. Is this just me? Maybe. Am I a broken hearted woman who will forever feel this way? I don't think so, but could be. Will I feel this forever? I truly hope not.
I have gotten to the point, I do not put anything past anyone. I know that seems crazy, but I don't trust 100%. I have people I am close to, but if they stepped out of the box, I would boo-hoo for a few days. Then, I'd pick myself up and keep moving. I do not feel the need to sulk in what was and could of been. Also I don't feel bad when someone does some bs. That was their choice and I have to deal with it. And morning a little and moving on is my way.
Sadly dealing with so much bs in my life has allowed me to turn my feelings on and off quickly. I shut off and refuse to care or desire to care for the individual passing out the bs. I limit or cut off all association with the person. I feel no need to continue the communication, friendship or anything. I will admit there are people in my life currently that have done some bs. After I took my time away from them, got over the situation and forgave them I let them back into my life. Though, I do keep caution signs and bright lights around them.
It frustrates me that this is what I've become. I've tried to be a 100% trusting and have realized I am not. I don't sit around waiting for the other shoe to drop, but if it does I'm not shocked. Maybe this deeper than me. Maybe society, television, movies and living life have shown me that these things happen in life. "Suck it up and move on." Or I might just be someone who closes and locks the door to her heart quickly. I am in no way saying I have never been hurt, heart broken or upset about some bs someone has done. The previous experiences have caused me to adapt to the scenario.
It takes me a while to feel close to someone. Not saying I don't like them or feel they are my friend, but that I am not close to them. Over time I open up more to people, but I have to feel them out first. I have been told so many times I am hard to read or figure out. I like it that way. Put in the work and you'll see what I really am. The real me isn't open for anyone to view, only a select few. The V.I.P.
Does this all have to do with trust? Who knows, I feel it is more an adaptation. Is this just me? Maybe. Am I a broken hearted woman who will forever feel this way? I don't think so, but could be. Will I feel this forever? I truly hope not.
Comments