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SITC #8 I'm Afriad of Love

I am going to admit it, I am scared to fall in love again. I have been told and believe I do not have unconditional love (in relationships). I know it may seem strange, but I don’t love unconditionally. Maybe my expectations of love are out of whack. Or what I expect and give is. Or maybe this is just me.

I think that my “conditions” are normal. I will love myself and keep certain personal priorities no matter what. I feel those keep me from being in bad relationships and help me stay connected to me. It helps me keep my connection with myself that gives me the strength to do what I need to no matter what.

I know that I hold a piece of my heart back when I fall in love. I have tried to change this, but I think it is not something that will. It is not like I try to, it just happens. I believe it goes with my issues with trusting people. I trust people but they don’t surprise me when they break it. It’s the same with my heart. So I guess the way I love is with a protective barrier.

I worry that this is going to hinder me. I figure whoever I end up with will know that this is me. They will be understanding and work with me on it. I am sure it is possible for me to change this. In the meantime, I catch myself now holding back and fighting feelings. Sometimes it is my normal barrier. Other times it is me worried that it’s too soon to like or care about someone. Who determines the time frame?

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