This evening I was looking at new blog designs and came across one I liked. I have had the same blog design since I began blogging on blogspot and wanted a change. Though I love, love, love my pin-up girl =)
When I came to my page to add the new code, I realized how relevant my current blog design is to my life. I have been battling with blogging about my marriage issues and status. Even though I began blogging while planning our wedding I wasn’t sure how much to share about the current status and issues. Now I realize I want to share my thought, fears, and feelings. Not only because I’m sure I am beginning a new journey in my life, but because I hope it can help someone else.
My blog’s current design says “He loves me. He loves me not.” WOW at how real that is toward my current position. On Sunday, April 13th my husband told me he wanted to separate. We had been having issues of many types since… well within weeks of saying “I Do.”
There is a lot that goes into it. There were certain things agreed on before our engagement and marriage that I was not willing to re-negotiate. At the same time I was dealing with a lot of stress from our relationship and the problems / issues. As a result my blood pressure became high, at age 25 – 26, and several other health issues that my doctor said were a result of stress.
I tried to work things out since it was our marriage not something simple that you can throw away, but realized that I was doing a lot of the work on my own. If it wasn’t his way he wanted nothing to do with it. I dealt with threats, all types of things I still can’t believe were said to me by him and many ultimatums. In the end all that took a toll on my heart. I know some may say that it shouldn’t have but after months and months of it, it did. I can see now how much my feelings changed and the stress it really caused on me.
I am hurting, but now so much for losing him, because I didn’t lose anything HE LOST! I am hurting more so because my marriage failed. It hurts to know that even though we (well I guess I should say I) had all that love, we didn’t make it. Should we have dated longer? Been engaged longer? Did more counseling? Tried harder? Who knows, personally I don’t have any regrets. I feel that I did what I felt was best. I worked hard at it and in the end this is what has happened.
When I came to my page to add the new code, I realized how relevant my current blog design is to my life. I have been battling with blogging about my marriage issues and status. Even though I began blogging while planning our wedding I wasn’t sure how much to share about the current status and issues. Now I realize I want to share my thought, fears, and feelings. Not only because I’m sure I am beginning a new journey in my life, but because I hope it can help someone else.
My blog’s current design says “He loves me. He loves me not.” WOW at how real that is toward my current position. On Sunday, April 13th my husband told me he wanted to separate. We had been having issues of many types since… well within weeks of saying “I Do.”
There is a lot that goes into it. There were certain things agreed on before our engagement and marriage that I was not willing to re-negotiate. At the same time I was dealing with a lot of stress from our relationship and the problems / issues. As a result my blood pressure became high, at age 25 – 26, and several other health issues that my doctor said were a result of stress.
I tried to work things out since it was our marriage not something simple that you can throw away, but realized that I was doing a lot of the work on my own. If it wasn’t his way he wanted nothing to do with it. I dealt with threats, all types of things I still can’t believe were said to me by him and many ultimatums. In the end all that took a toll on my heart. I know some may say that it shouldn’t have but after months and months of it, it did. I can see now how much my feelings changed and the stress it really caused on me.
I am hurting, but now so much for losing him, because I didn’t lose anything HE LOST! I am hurting more so because my marriage failed. It hurts to know that even though we (well I guess I should say I) had all that love, we didn’t make it. Should we have dated longer? Been engaged longer? Did more counseling? Tried harder? Who knows, personally I don’t have any regrets. I feel that I did what I felt was best. I worked hard at it and in the end this is what has happened.
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