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Incomplete

After not feeling myself for about two weeks I decided I have to make some changes. I have been unhappy and unsatisfied in a few areas of my life. I have a problem with with internalizing things. This is  based on the fact that most people do not want to hear you vent and talk about your problems, fears, ect. Anyway... 

I know that I need a change. One bigger than I can do alone. I need a change, no blessing in my career. As far as romantic relationships need a change... maybe a break... no I need the right man. Personally I believe I have great friends. They are positive, supportive, God loving, and most of praying friends. But I know that I could even do better in that department.

While thinking about the changes I want I thought about the changes in my life since I came to Atlanta. Since I ended my marriage. Since I started graduate school. I noticed a few things that were consistent. Some good and some bad. God is the main good thing. Bad things included bad relationships, putting myself last, and settling for what came my way instead of fighting for the stuff I want!

I thought about this for a few days and the last day came across the online sermons I posted the other day. I felt like God was speaking to me. No, I know that God was speaking to me. I decided that I will go along with the plan on the sermon. The only part that I am not sure about, but considering, is going one year without dating. I must admit a piece of me is scared to not date that long. I'm 30 years and almost 3 months old (yes the months are important). I also want to be open to whoever God sends my way. But at the same time I feel that I came across those sermons for a reason. I think that I will stop focusing on dating and putting in work for it. Let things flow a bit more than I normally do in that department.

I also decided to add daily devotions to my daily activity. My Bible application on my phone had a devotion segment but I did not know how to find it since it was under a strange name. I start my morning with one and end my day with one. I also want to challenge myself personally again. I have not decided in what segment fully yet. I know I want to stop, ok reduce for a starter, cussing. I notice it gets out of hand around certain groups of people. I want to stop eventually though. Another option is not drinking again. I stopped drinking in late 2010 and did not start back until this year. I realize that this is an easy one since it is not a problem or a crutch. So I think I will work on the cussing.

I feel something happening in my life. I can't tell what but something is happening. I pray that it is God moving. I moving the wrong people and things out of my life while moving the right things in. My heart, mind, body, and spirit are tired in many ways. I feel overwhelmed and hopeless at times. I know that those feelings are not based in the Lord at all. I am going to work on making a closer relationship with him. Not only for the great changes but because anything... career, friend, or relationship wise... that comes my way should be based in him. I realize that is one of my faults throughout my adult life. I pray that I can make these changes and stick with them. I ask you, whoever you are reading this, to pray for me.

Comments

Erica said…
I'll pray for you. I ask that you do the same for me ; )
1/18/13, 11:30 PM
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