Apearl's Blog

Today is my friend Denita's 27th birthday. Sadly she is not here to celebrate it because her life was taking Jan 2007. I never lost anyone close to me, not even a family member, so loosing a good friend to murder hit me hard. Not to mention she was murdered the day of my father funeral. To see a great person and someone my age be taken away during the prime of her life changed my view on life. I know that she is in a better place with her bright smile and laugh, but it still hurts. It hurts in ways I can not explain. In 3 months I will turn 27, and I always think of Denita on my birthday and hers. It's so not to be angry, not just at her life being taken but because there has been no justice no answer no anything! I know people in the court system and have had it explained NUMEROUS time that murder trails take a while to go to court. But that doesn't change my feelings, my pain, my memories... My only joy is knowing that she is in heaven. No, that's not it. It's al...

I know it's been a good minute, but I've been busy!  I have a few new things on my plate that I am excited about sharing with you!   I want to first say that I truely appreicate all the feedback I get from my readers!  There has been times over the last few months that I felt my dream of being a writer was not going to ever be reality!  Yes, I had a lot of doubtful moments!  I got emails, texts and IMs asking for more post.  Even just checking on me since I had stopped posting.  I needed that and it touched my heart, for real!  I need you all to know that!  My created juices are back flowing.  I pray for guidance in my personal life and writing career.  I hope that you will continue to support and encourage me.   Now to updates! I have a new project that I am working on.  Sadly you have to wait for details.  A few of you know about it, for the others sorry for the wait.  I am working on it daily and hope to publish , yes publish, it early next year!  I'm super excited about...

The hardest part of dating is getting use to the person you’re seeing. We all have habits and traits that others dislike. On top of learning regular stuff about them, you have to learn how to deal with the traits you do not like very much. Trying to figure out if there are more good traits than annoying. Or if you should chop it up as a lost and move on. Even deciding to move on can be confusing. What things determine when to do so. Right now I am going out and having fun. I would like to date someone that has the traits I would like in next significant other. Just in case it becomes a relationship. At the same time I am not sure if I am finished looking to see what else is out there. I do not want to make the steps toward a relationship when I am not sure if I want to be in one. Right now I feel like I am currently making those steps with the man I am seeing. I don’t think it’s obvious steps, but we’re a few months into seeing each other. There is daily communication by in...

I am perfectly imperfect. This is who I am. I am not perfect but that doesn’t mean I am not the best me I can be. I curse. I don’t like mushrooms. I sleep late. I like to play my music very loud. I don’t like bananas. I have a short patience. I love to shop. I can get mad easily. I like to drink Dr. Pepper & Midori Sours. I love music. I find writing a release. I am very strong willed. I am not the nicest person, but this is me! At time I have trouble dealing with certain people and scenarios because of who I am. Certain issues I don’t see as a big deal. That is because I see thing as black or white. There is no gray area with me. I feel many, no most, things aren’t as complicated as we make them. We choose to hold on to it or draw it out so that they are complicated. These things annoy me. I know that is how some folks operate, but it is hard for me to deal with or even hear about it. I want to just scream “Get over it already” or “Just stop talking to them ...

I am going to admit it, I am scared to fall in love again. I have been told and believe I do not have unconditional love (in relationships). I know it may seem strange, but I don’t love unconditionally. Maybe my expectations of love are out of whack. Or what I expect and give is. Or maybe this is just me. I think that my “conditions” are normal. I will love myself and keep certain personal priorities no matter what. I feel those keep me from being in bad relationships and help me stay connected to me. It helps me keep my connection with myself that gives me the strength to do what I need to no matter what. I know that I hold a piece of my heart back when I fall in love. I have tried to change this, but I think it is not something that will. It is not like I try to, it just happens. I believe it goes with my issues with trusting people. I trust people but they don’t surprise me when they break it. It’s the same with my heart. So I guess the way I love is with a protectiv...

I like to cuddle. I will admit I missed it a lot while in the LD marriage. I enjoy being able to again. Cuddling is so nice. It is a level of intimacy, atleast to me. Like a way to be intimate without doing too much. Which is important while dating! You can not tell me after a long day of work, fighting traffic and folks getting on your nerves it does not feel great to curl up in that special person’s arms. Then you take that deep breath. You know what I’m talking about! Another one of my favorite semi-intimate actions is the forehead kiss. It makes me melt. Yes, I am being sappy! Dag, I hope who I am dating or may date is reading this.

My new challenge with dating is finding my comfort zone. As we get to know each other better and figure out each others personalities the zone is being created. Though, I catch myself wondering if certain actions will make him feel uncomfortable or will be doing too much. Some things come naturally. Head on shoulder, holding hands, the subtle touches here and there. While other things can turn out very awkward. Have us both sitting there laughing at ourselves! I often get told by men interested in me that I am “hard to read.” I am use to hearing that, it’s who I am. I am a pretty laid back about a lot of things and very passionate about others. I know it’s confusing to someone to figure out what things get which reaction from me. A friend of mine told me last week “Trying to figure you out is counterproductive and a waste of energy!” And they have known me for 8 years! I’m a lot of work but I am worth it. Well at least I think so! I will continue to work on building the comfort zone fo...