Today was a rough day for sure. I am in transition in many ways... education, career, internally, and romantically. It gets frustrating some days not being where I want to be in any of those segments yet. And part of getting where you want to be is choosing the path wisely. I have to follow my gut and heart about what paths I use to get my desires in all of these aspect.
Please do not think I'm sad or unfulfilled completely. I have so much joy and happiness in my life. I honestly have the best friends in the world. They are supportive and inspirations, each of them in their own way. I have been blessed to have several different groups of girlfriends. I think God knew that I needed different ones for the different segments of my life. I am the happiest and incomplete I have ever been at the same time.
I know that this is a step to the outcome. I am still struggling with the idea of being career focused... well I should say oriented. I am not that kind of person. I am a family focus person. I rather focus on taking care of my child and mate. I love fulfilling those needs. Career... job... is just a check. But now it is a focus to get the things I want.
Romantically... I am developing something with a special guy. I pray about it daily. I want to love again but the right person. I want to it to be him, I can not lie about that. After putting 2 years into a relationship that we equally realized was not giving me the happiness level I needed. I have to be sure that I am investing in something that makes me happy first and foremost. At this time it's hard to fully determine that because of the situation. But in my gut I know there's something special here... So we will see. I know that some people are meant for seasons versus decades so we'll see.
The strange thing I have noticed since being single again... is that I do not get lonely. Not that I use to often but I have not in the almost 5 months I've been single. I am not sure how I feel about that yet, but will let you all know when I do! I guess it shows a level of growth. Who knows... Like today I did not feel lonely I craved companionship... ok cuddling... from 'him'. That was not possible and I was ok with it. Where I would normally feel some sort of loneliness. I chose not to reach out to any friends to talk, did not feel like complaining about my day, rather I chose working on the plan of action. Something I probably do too much. I know I should vent more but I do not. After the cuddle need was removed, I wanted to write. I wanted to get my thoughts out. But the responsible adult in me wanted to do school work first. Damn her! So here I am at almost midnight at the end of a rough day at work, siting in traffic for a hour to go to class, and half way paying attention in a two and a half hour class... listening to my favorite Pandora station writing and feeling better.
Please do not think I'm sad or unfulfilled completely. I have so much joy and happiness in my life. I honestly have the best friends in the world. They are supportive and inspirations, each of them in their own way. I have been blessed to have several different groups of girlfriends. I think God knew that I needed different ones for the different segments of my life. I am the happiest and incomplete I have ever been at the same time.
I know that this is a step to the outcome. I am still struggling with the idea of being career focused... well I should say oriented. I am not that kind of person. I am a family focus person. I rather focus on taking care of my child and mate. I love fulfilling those needs. Career... job... is just a check. But now it is a focus to get the things I want.
Romantically... I am developing something with a special guy. I pray about it daily. I want to love again but the right person. I want to it to be him, I can not lie about that. After putting 2 years into a relationship that we equally realized was not giving me the happiness level I needed. I have to be sure that I am investing in something that makes me happy first and foremost. At this time it's hard to fully determine that because of the situation. But in my gut I know there's something special here... So we will see. I know that some people are meant for seasons versus decades so we'll see.
The strange thing I have noticed since being single again... is that I do not get lonely. Not that I use to often but I have not in the almost 5 months I've been single. I am not sure how I feel about that yet, but will let you all know when I do! I guess it shows a level of growth. Who knows... Like today I did not feel lonely I craved companionship... ok cuddling... from 'him'. That was not possible and I was ok with it. Where I would normally feel some sort of loneliness. I chose not to reach out to any friends to talk, did not feel like complaining about my day, rather I chose working on the plan of action. Something I probably do too much. I know I should vent more but I do not. After the cuddle need was removed, I wanted to write. I wanted to get my thoughts out. But the responsible adult in me wanted to do school work first. Damn her! So here I am at almost midnight at the end of a rough day at work, siting in traffic for a hour to go to class, and half way paying attention in a two and a half hour class... listening to my favorite Pandora station writing and feeling better.
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