Apearl's Blog

I am going to admit it, I am scared to fall in love again. I have been told and believe I do not have unconditional love (in relationships). I know it may seem strange, but I don’t love unconditionally. Maybe my expectations of love are out of whack. Or what I expect and give is. Or maybe this is just me. I think that my “conditions” are normal. I will love myself and keep certain personal priorities no matter what. I feel those keep me from being in bad relationships and help me stay connected to me. It helps me keep my connection with myself that gives me the strength to do what I need to no matter what. I know that I hold a piece of my heart back when I fall in love. I have tried to change this, but I think it is not something that will. It is not like I try to, it just happens. I believe it goes with my issues with trusting people. I trust people but they don’t surprise me when they break it. It’s the same with my heart. So I guess the way I love is with a protectiv...

I like to cuddle. I will admit I missed it a lot while in the LD marriage. I enjoy being able to again. Cuddling is so nice. It is a level of intimacy, atleast to me. Like a way to be intimate without doing too much. Which is important while dating! You can not tell me after a long day of work, fighting traffic and folks getting on your nerves it does not feel great to curl up in that special person’s arms. Then you take that deep breath. You know what I’m talking about! Another one of my favorite semi-intimate actions is the forehead kiss. It makes me melt. Yes, I am being sappy! Dag, I hope who I am dating or may date is reading this.

My new challenge with dating is finding my comfort zone. As we get to know each other better and figure out each others personalities the zone is being created. Though, I catch myself wondering if certain actions will make him feel uncomfortable or will be doing too much. Some things come naturally. Head on shoulder, holding hands, the subtle touches here and there. While other things can turn out very awkward. Have us both sitting there laughing at ourselves! I often get told by men interested in me that I am “hard to read.” I am use to hearing that, it’s who I am. I am a pretty laid back about a lot of things and very passionate about others. I know it’s confusing to someone to figure out what things get which reaction from me. A friend of mine told me last week “Trying to figure you out is counterproductive and a waste of energy!” And they have known me for 8 years! I’m a lot of work but I am worth it. Well at least I think so! I will continue to work on building the comfort zone fo...

I was not going to address the New Yorker’s broadly publicized cover, but since it’s all over the place I will! It portrays Democratic presidential candidate, Barack Obama, in a Muslim outfit and his wife, Michelle Obama, in a militant outfit. When I first say the cover on theybf I was very upset. I understand freedom of speech but wow! It seemed like a blatant attack on Obama’s campaign to me! I was appalled at how they put it up, on the cover of all places. Then to have the audacity to call it satire! I know it was sarcasm, but just like some jokes, it did not come across well. Atleast to me! I spent some of time on Monday and Tuesday reading responses and explanations to the cover. I was not as upset after reading some of them. Others made me want to scream. Tuesday, Obama was on Larry King Live. I really enjoyed this interview. At the beginning Larry King asked Obama what he made of the cover. His response: “Well, I know it was the "New Yorker's" attempt at satire. I...

The best part of being single, well second to not having to deal with someone 24/7, is date night! It is fun to get dressed up and all cute for a date! Well, maybe I’m alone on this feeling. I love it! I even do my make up, more than my normal mascara and lip gloss! Pick out a cute outfit that fits the date of course. Hmmm maybe I just like showing off my true diva-ness! Over the last few months I have been having a lot of fun dating. I am getting to experience new places and environments. Simple dates, like just grabbing a quick dinner excite me. Dag I am way too excited about this dating thing! The fancier dates are great too. Shoot just hanging out on the deck makes me happy. Maybe it’s not just the getting cute thing, it could be the company. Either way, it’s great. Tonight I am going out with the guy I’ve been dating. We’re going to a lounge here in downtown Atlanta. I look forward to eating some tapas, having a few drinks and dancing. The joys of dating!

Friendships are a lot like relationships. You get to know each other. Spend time together. Realize what you have in common and what you don’t. A bond is created. You have highs and lows. Arguments and make up. Your friendship develops. Even in a group of friends there are different levels of friendships among the members of the group. Each has a special type of bond with others. Do all friendships last forever? No. People grow apart. At times we have to “clean house.”

The last few months of my marriage were long distance. I mainly only had to make time for phone calls. Now I am trying to find time and patience for dating. I do not have a super busy life. I got use to filling my time with other activities while doing the LDM thing. I am trying to find the balance. I have the time for work. Not just the job that currently bring in the checks, but the one the one that will soon (speaking it into existence), my writing career. Add in motherly and family duties. Then I have my slacker time, yeah I’m one of them! Time to eat and sleep! Oh and spending time with my great circle of friends. I enjoy spending time with them. Going to dinner, the movies or out for drinks. I have included the guy I am dating in some of these activities and enjoyed it. I know I’ll find the balance. I am still enjoying my singleness. We’ll see how I feel when it’s starts getting cold. If you’re wondering, I am still deciding on dating more than one person.

Last night I went out with several of my girlfriends for drinks. During a conversation with other patrons, one of the guys decided to give us a breakdown on how women and men select, date and decide to go for the “Ultimate Goal,” marriage. It may seem strange but I never thought of marriage as The goal of dating. Even though I know that dating leads to settling down and possibly marriage. I never really thought about how some people see it this way until last night. I never looked at marriage that way. I knew that I would eventually settle down and get married. I never had a set age or status for when I would. I have done the living together thing and decided that I would not do it again. I realized that I was giving all of myself in relationships without the legal part. I learned what did not work for me in previous relationships. I tried it a different way with the ex-husband and you see where I am now. So once again, I am taking my lessons learned to guide my steps. I realized that...

I am loving life right now. Dating is fun! Not as fun as being boo’d up but fun none the less. I expected to find myself at home twiddling my thumbs and wishing I had stuff to do. This is so not the case! I feel so free and happy! I mean mentally, physically and emotionally free and happy! It’s great! Before the separation, I was barely doing anything and was not myself. I am a social butterfly! I love being out and about. I feel like I’m back to my old self. I am spending time with friends, family and my new male friend! I’m doing things I wanted to do but hadn’t. Waking up with hang overs and all! LOL It’s funny that I find that fun, huh? There is rarely a dull moment now! I look forward to sharing more of my adventures of dating and single life in general with you. The fun has just begun!