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How I'm feeling today

Frustrated isn’t even the word right now. I am so unhappy with my job. I am in a position I am over qualified for and causes me to work evenings and Saturdays. Which results in me having less time to spend with my daughter. I have been looking for another job, but have not came across anything yet.

I wonder if anything I find will be fulfilling to me though. I am not career oriented, jobs and careers are the last thing on my mind. I really want to just write and take pics and get a check for it. Yea, I know they might not be large checks at first. Lately though my creativity for writing has been at a low. I am considering doing an autobiography though. Since it doesn’t require much creativity. I am hoping to start working with a photographer in the next month, though this dag-gone job is hindering me doing so on Sats!

I feel kind down and out today. I know that things will get better considering a month ago I felt like the whole world had falling down around me and yesterday I felt on top of the world. It just feels like at no time is my life completely well rounded. There seems to always be a catch. I’m sure you are sitting there saying “That’s life”, but I don’t feel it has to be.

I am determined to find my path. I know that I have purpose. Maybe that’s my main issue, I have not found it yet. I want to be more than the mommy who can’t do this and that because of work, more than the pretty face, more than the good employee and more than the helpful friend.

I want to be able to spend an abundant amount of time with my little one and not have to deal with ridiculous attitudes from other folks! I want to love going to work or should I say doing my job. I want to be the person who helped many and not just a few. Oh, well I guess I’ll have to let my trophy wife goal go and get to being productive!

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